Payback Read online

  She tears down the sidewalk faster than I think I can ever remember her running, and she’s in my arms. She smells like home. She steps back. “Let me get a look at you! Gosh, you’re so much stronger, just the way…”

  I finish the sentence for her. “Jackson was? It’s okay, Mom, you can talk about him. I’m not going to freak out.”

  She nods, tears welling up in her eyes. I see my father standing in the doorway with a smile on his face. “Well, come in! Your mother’s been cooking for two days, there’s no way I can eat all this food.”

  I carry my bag into the house and drop it by the door. Jackson’s army uniform is still hanging on a hook. I put my camouflage next to it. It’s probably the closest we’ll ever be again.

  The three of us sit at the table and my mother fawns all over me as she feeds me heaps of mashed potatoes and meatloaf with chocolate cake as a side dish instead of a dessert. She’s sweet, but I know what they really want to know, so finally, I ask her to sit down.

  The worry is written all over her face. “I found out what happened to Jackson. I think you deserve to know.”

  My father reaches behind him to grab a box of tissues off the counter—he knows where this is going. My mother will be a blubbering mess within minutes. But she deserves to know, they both do. It’s why I went overseas, to fight for my country and to find out what happened my big brother.

  “He was helping a civilian, a woman and her child. They were in an area that his unit was going to go through to pull some men out that they needed to question. But this woman—she was the sister of well, one of the bad guys, but she was good. And she and her child were stuck in the middle of what was about to be a complete nightmare. Jackson knew that if they stayed, they would die, so he went in first. He went to pull them out, to get them to safety, and they didn’t make it. The woman and the kid were actually being held hostage. Neither of them ever had a chance. When Jackson went in, the enemy took him out.”

  I hold my breath for a second. I’ve been told the story three times since I’ve been in the Army, but I hadn’t needed to repeat it until now. Now, it was part of my story. How my brother’s heroic gesture got him killed.

  My mother’s crying silently, and my father’s lower lip is quivering, but he doesn’t break. He knows he has to be strong for my mother.

  “Did they get them? Did they get those guys?” he says, his voice gravelly and just above a whisper.

  “Yeah, Dad, they got them. Every last one.”

  “Good,” he says, “good for them.”

  4

  Cami

  “Cami? Cami! There’s someone at the door for you.” I toss another shirt into my duffel bag before walking down the hall. When I turn the corner to face the front door, I can’t believe my eyes.

  “Jett? Oh my God, what are you doing here?”

  He’s here! He’s here and he’s whole and he’s alive and I can’t believe any of it is happening. I wrap my arms around him and he squeezes my waist. It feels like no time has passed, like he hasn’t been gone for months.

  “I had some leave time so I came home to see my folks. And to see you.” His eyes bore into my soul. He’s been gone so long. “I thought I could take you out, maybe buy you some dinner?”

  I know that I need to pack, because Ty and I are leaving, but I grab my jacket off the hook and wave goodbye to my mother instead. Packing can wait—Jett is more important right now.

  “So tell me about base?” I ask, resting my head on my fist. The waitress stops by, dropping off two waters and smiling at us adoringly.

  “There’s not really much to tell you. I get up, I make my bed, I eat breakfast, and then I run. Sometimes I get screamed at by my drill sergeant, but mostly I run. It’s really not that exciting.”

  “And Jackson? Did you get the answers you were looking for?” I know that’s why he really went. He needed answers. I can understand that; I still think about Tommy all the time. That if there was a cure, it would have saved him. I know that Jett wonders if he was with Jackson in Afghanistan, would he have been able to save him too. Would he have lived. Now he can finally know.

  “I got the answers I needed to,” he says curtly, and I know that I’m not going to press any further. It’s been too long and we’re not as close as we once were, but that doesn’t mean that his smile doesn’t make my heart melt. And seeing him in his camouflage, it’s hard to take my eyes off of him.

  “So what will you have?” The waitress comes back and questions us.

  “Cherry pie,” I offer.

  “With ice cream,” he adds. Just like old times. So much has changed about him, and then not so much at all.

  She winks at us, and then within just a couple minutes, brings back plates with cherry pie and vanilla ice cream and two forks. Jett dips his finger in the whipped cream and offers it to me. I chew on my lower lip for a moment—I’m leaving for Memphis tomorrow with Ty. But we’re just friends. I know where this leads with Jett. Where a night of dessert at the diner used to lead. Where I hope it still does. I push my face towards him and I wrap my lips around his finger, sucking the whipped cream off.

  “You haven’t changed a bit, Cami.”

  “And you’ve only changed for the better.”

  “I’ve been waiting to get those clothes off of you since the minute I laid eyes on you,” he whispers. “Let’s eat this pie and get out of here. I’m only on leave for a couple days, and I want to make the most of them.”

  I’m not going to tell him I’m leaving. We’re both on limited time, and he’s right—we should just make the most of it. No strings attached, just one last night of fun together before we both go our separate ways. It’s the perfect closure, the thing I’ve been waiting for most.

  To fall back into Jett’s arms.

  We decide to go to a motel that's just a couple minutes away from the diner. I’ve never seen a man eat so quickly as Jett scarfs down his dessert.

  I watch his lips in anticipation. I want them on my body again. I remember what sex with Jett was like, perfect in every sense of the word. His strong, muscular body cradling mine, our flesh burning up the sheets.

  He gets the key and leads me into the room. There's a dark navy bedspread, and he pulls the blinds closed, even though it's dark outside and no one could see us if they wanted to. As soon as he turns around, he reaches for me, tugging my shirt off above my head and throwing it to the side. I can barely breathe, it’s all so immediate and fast. He leans down, his lips brushing the top of my breasts, which are spilling out over my bra.

  Pushing me back, he forces me onto the bed. He's tearing at my bra, pulling it down and exposing my nipples—they’re already hard. He flicks one with his tongue while he uses his hands to remove his camo. It feels so good, like the release I’ve needed ever since he left. As he throws his jacket to the side, all that he has underneath is a tight green tank top. I can see his rippling muscles in his arms as he reaches out and unbuttons my jeans, yanking them down onto the floor.

  "I missed those tits," he says in a gravelly voice. "I've been dreaming about them ever since I left." He kisses the insides of my thighs and moves up to my underwear. He latches his teeth around the top and uses his hands underneath my ass to pull them down. I’m naked already. Exposed to him again. I can fell the bedspread on my skin—it’s scratchy as I move beneath him. He removes his tank top and my eyes roll back as his kisses turn into him licking my clit. It's pure ecstasy.

  I toss my head back just as he slips in a finger. I'm moaning so loud I wonder if the people in the next room can hear me. I put my hand on his head, rubbing back and forth on the crewcut softness. Just as I'm about to come, the release I’ve been waiting for, he removes his fingers and stops pumping. He lifts his hand up and shoves them in my mouth, and I know that I'm sucking on my own juices. I don’t even try to resist. I don’t want to.

  He removes his fingers and sticks them in his own mouth, sucking off my saliva before removing his boots and his pants. He has on
tight boxer briefs and I can see that his cock is already hard and ready for me. I move back to the edge of the bed and spread my legs as I remove its fabric cage. I slide his cock in my mouth and wrap my tongue around it while I pull his boxers all the way down. But as he steps out of them, he gives me instructions. I don't dare not follow them. "Turn around, I want to see that ass."

  I move my body on the bed so that my knees are at the edge and spread my legs. He sticks his cock in and pulls my arm back behind me, pushing himself inch by inch until I'm totally filled. He’s so much stronger than he was before, more confident and determined. He wraps his thick hands around my waist and pulls me back into him, slamming his cock into me again and again. Occasionally, he reaches down and flicks one of my nipples, but he's focused on his own pleasure, and I'm focused on serving him. I’m breathing so heavily I wonder if I'm getting any oxygen. I'm so close to the edge. So. Close.

  Suddenly, he pulls out and flops down next to me. "Get on." I swing my leg over his strong body. I keep my right leg at an angle as I lower myself down onto him. With each bounce, he hits my G-spot again and again. I look down into his beautiful hazel eyes and promise myself I'll never forget them. If he never comes back from the war, this will be my last memory of us. And I'll make it perfect. I moan louder and louder as my breasts bounce, and I reach down to touch myself. His hands are wrapped around my waist and he lifts me up and down. His grunts grow louder and I know we’re both close. I rub my clit harder and harder until I feel the waves of the orgasm start to crash over me. He fills me with his seed, the warm come filling me completely.

  I collapse down on top of him and he rubs my back softly.

  "This was everything I needed. Everything I could've asked for," he says, looking into my eyes. "I hope next time I'm in town we can do this again, Cami, otherwise I don't know what I have to look forward to."

  I lay a kiss on his lips, but I don't respond. I'm not telling him I'm leaving, not like this. Maybe not ever. One final night with Jett—I'm not going to ruin it for either of us.

  5

  Cami

  Months pass in Memphis, and things continue to progress between Ty and me. He’s loving at first, kind and sweet, and helps me navigate my way through Memphis. But his job isn’t as good as he thought it would be. He was supposed to be a foreman, running construction jobs, or at least that’s what he tells me. But as a recent high school grad? I don’t buy it. It doesn’t surprise me when he starts getting laid off regularly. I waitress at a local diner and I’m taking night classes but things are harder than I thought they would be.

  But I don’t miss home. Never. I try not to even think about it.

  Our friendship has quickly progressed into something more, just as Ty wanted. Sometimes I think it’s because here, we only have each other. It’s not deep, or whole. It’s just on the surface, and I know it. It’s nothing like it was with Jett. I still write him occasionally, but he doesn’t write back. I can’t blame him. I’ve mentioned Ty in the letters, and I know that he understands that I’ve moved on. Even if our relationship is superficial at best.

  But once Ty’s job really starts to fall apart, so does he. He spends most of his evenings out drinking with guys that he’s met on the job, who are also disillusioned with their employer. He comes home ranting and raving about how he can find something better, how we can be better. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve walked out of one messy life into another one. One that’s just as easily falling apart. But somewhere, there’s a glimmer of hope. I’ve made friends in Memphis. People who really care about me. And I’m not about to let those friendships fall apart while Ty is having his issues.

  “So what’s your plan this weekend?” Maia says as she walks into the room with a hot cup of tea.

  “I don’t really know,” I say, taking the mug from her. “I think Ty is working most of the weekend? I’m not really sure. We haven’t really spoken very much this week.”

  “You live together, don’t you? He’s your boyfriend or whatever.”

  “Kind of. We do live together, and we sleep together, which is probably not the best idea, but I don’t know that I would call him my boyfriend. Especially lately. I just feel like he’s so wrapped up in himself. What about you? Seeing anyone?”

  Maia sits down next to me. “No. I’m tired of the scene around here. Besides, the last guy I slept with almost got me pregnant.”

  I practically spit my tea out on her as I’m laughing. “Almost got you pregnant? How does that work?”

  “We used a condom, but it broke because he was… well endowed, shall we say. And I can’t take a risk like that again. I’m a single girl living a single girl life. I don’t have any time for a kid right now.”

  I take another sip of my hot tea. “Yeah, me neither.” I lick my lips for a moment as the conversation pauses. I’m not ready for children, and Ty and I are barely a couple. I feel like we could be more, but with his job and his lack of restraint with the booze, I’m wondering if he’s not the guys for me. Sometimes he makes me feel safe. And sometimes he scares the hell out of me. As I think about the past couple times that we slipped into each other’s beds, I realize that something about the math doesn’t add up. I’m late.

  “Maia, how did you know you weren’t pregnant?”

  She shrugs. “I took a test, why?”

  I set my tea down on her coffee table. “Do you have any of those tests left?”

  Her eyes bug out of her head. “Cami, you can’t be serious.”

  My mind is churning and I’m sweating like a fool. If I’m pregnant, I am a fool. “I don’t know.”

  She sets her own mug down on the table, and then takes me by the hand and leads me into her bathroom. She pulls a box of tests out from underneath the sink. “Pop a squat, girlfriend. We are figuring this out right now.”

  I do what I’m told, and she runs out to the kitchen to get me a plastic cup. I do my business while she waits in the hall, and when I tell her I’m ready, she comes in and dips the test stick inside of the cup. We stand in anticipation while she grips my hands, and I know I’m shaking. I can’t be. It was only a few times. Unless… But I tried to shake Jett’s image from my head. It couldn’t be his, could it?

  And that’s when I see it. Two little pink lines.

  I’m pregnant, and I don’t even know who the father is.

  6

  Cami

  We’re sitting at the kitchen table eating take-out when I realize at some point I have to tell Ty. He deserves to know, even if he isn’t the father, though I don’t see how I can tell him that. How can I admit to him that I saw Jett? That I had a one night stand with my ex while Ty and I were still just roommates? It’s not like we were together. I didn’t cheat on either of them.

  I don’t cheat. I follow the rules.

  And yet somehow, I’m still sitting here wondering how I’m going to tell Ty that I’m pregnant. We’re barely scraping by as it is while he’s been between jobs, and I’m a waitress! That’s no life for a child. But I also refuse to make this child face my consequences. I had sex, and now I’m pregnant, and that’s just the way it’s going to be. Though I’m still so afraid of how Ty will react, of what he’ll say.

  He’s pulling the last of his Chinese out of the box when I finally gather the courage to speak. “How was work today?” My hands are sweaty, so I wipe them on my jeans. Jeans that pretty soon won’t fit me anymore.

  He shrugs. “At least I’m not laid off. Though that place is a real hellhole, Cami. I tell you, I’m going find something better.”

  He always says that. And he never does. “I’m sure you are. Do you get health insurance at your job?”

  I’ve already done some research and I can get free health insurance through the state but if his is better, it’ll be good for the baby.

  He sets his chopsticks down, “Yeah I think so, why? Are you sick?”

  I take a deep breath and push the box of Chinese food away from me. “Not exactly, but there’s s
omething that we do need to talk about, Ty.”

  “What?”

  I don’t know how to say it so I do it like you rip off a Band-Aid. “I’m pregnant.”

  Ty’s mouth drops open. “And you want health insurance for an abortion?”

  “No!”

  “Why the hell not? I’m no father figure. And you? You hardly work!”

  “Because I want this baby. And there’s no discussing that. And working at a diner is good honest work, Ty! At least I have a consistent job. And I’m going to school. I’m doing something with my life—what the hell are you doing? Drinking at the bar with your buddies and pretending like something’s going to change? It’s never going to change, Ty. Wake up!”

  I push back from the table and stomp off to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. His initial reaction was that I was going to have an abortion. That was totally, completely unfair. Not like he wants any type of extra responsibility—I should have known. I’m so stupid. And I’m stuck.

  Stuck in this relationship, stuck in the city, stuck missing Jett, and carrying a baby.

  7

  Cami

  The months fly by, and before I know it, I can no longer see my feet. This huge belly has made me unattractive to him, and he makes a point to tell me every chance he gets. Our tenuous relationship has now completely fallen apart. At first, he said he would marry me and that we would raise our baby together, but then, as I got bigger, his worries got larger. We hardly even speak anymore. Ty and I are practically roommates once again, the way we should have stayed. I can’t believe I let this happen. Some moments, I can’t believe I left home at all.

  At sixteen weeks, we find out that the baby is a girl. That's what started the alienation between us. He really wanted a boy. Of course, it doesn’t help that the baby isn’t his. I did the math, but luckily, he hasn’t. This baby is Jett’s for sure, although I think I have Ty convinced it’s his. He used to get so drunk that he honestly couldn’t remember if we’d had sex or not. I don't care as long as the baby is healthy, and each passing day brings me closer to meeting this miracle residing within.