Reckless Hero (Savage Soldiers Book 5) Page 6

  Our leader radioed in for more medical support and reported the explosion to the relevant authorities.

  As the medics surrounded him, I knelt beside Lucas. Suddenly, he grabbed my hand with surprising strength, holding on to me as if I was his last lifeline. His eyes on mine, he began coughing up more blood.

  Feeling helpless, I stared down at him, and just for a second, his face changed—becoming my father’s.

  It hadn’t been the first time something like that happened while I was in the presence of an injured person. But I’d gotten better as pushing my personal issues aside, and just as quickly as my father’s face had been superimposed on Lucas, it was gone.

  I looked him in the eyes. “Hang in there, buddy. Just hold on. You’re going to get through this.”

  Lucas’s eyes had closed, though he maintained his grip on my hand.

  Presently, my eyes opened and I found myself transitioning into consciousness.

  I lied in bed, listening to the distant hum of traffic and the light drizzle of rain. A sheen of sweat had broken out over my skin. Although my heartbeat slowed back to normal, my mind still relived that fateful night almost a year ago.

  Lucas had lived, though his injuries had changed his life forever, leaving him no longer able to serve his country. A lot of people told me that he had pulled through because of my support. While it felt good to hear, the feeling was often followed by insidious guilt.

  Because every time I recalled holding Lucas’ hand, I was forced to think about how I hadn’t been there to do the same for my father.

  Panic suddenly tightened my chest, making it hard to breathe. Even though I knew there was no one else in the apartment with me, I could hear echoes of the panicked voices from my dream as clear as day.

  And I could hear my father’s voice loudest of all.

  Recognizing the onset of the PTSD attack, I quickly got out of bed, trying to block out the voices. I went into the bathroom, grabbed the prescription pills out of the medicine cabinet, and filled a glass with water from the sink. My hands shook so badly, it took a few tries before I was able to open the small tube of white pills.

  I threw the pills into my mouth and chased them back with the entire glass of water.

  Then I just stood there, trying to calm my mind and ground myself in the here and now.

  My diagnosis of PTSD was part of the reason I’d left the military. The other was wanting to pursue a career as a lawyer.

  While I didn’t like to admit it, what happened with Lucas was also a part of why I firmly gave up on my ambitions of being a doctor. Even though he had survived, the task of trying to stay calm under that kind of pressure—when someone’s life was potentially slipping away right before your eyes—had been too much for me. With the PTSD I suffered, there was no way I could even fathom trying to get through medical school. Doctors were a special breed of soldiers, as far as I was concerned. They dealt with illness, injury, and death on a regular—all things that I wanted to stay away from.

  Law was much more my speed. Fighting for justice was another way of fighting for life, in a way that I felt much more equipped to handle.

  Eventually the voices ringing in my ears quieted, and I was able to think clearly again.

  I looked at the digital watch on my right wrist. It was just after 4:00 and I knew there was no hope of me getting any more sleep before the sun rose. Plus, my small apartment made me feel claustrophobic after the panic attack.

  I needed to get out.

  I donned sweat pants and a hoodie over the boxer briefs I had slept in. With my keys and cellphone in my pocket and headphones in my ears, I headed out the door.

  I ran for several miles before my mind cleared and I was able to enjoy the crisp early morning air.

  I returned to my apartment just after six o’clock and immediately headed for the shower to wash off the sweat. The heated water beat down on me. Bracing my hands against the tiled wall, I lowered my head down, forcing myself to think of anything other than death and war.

  That’s when Anna popped into mind.

  Instantly, I grew hard and my heart began to pound for an entirely different reason. I closed my eyes and imagined her face as she orgasmed on top of me. The image filled every corner of my mind, chasing away the shadows that had been there just moments ago.

  I had wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the night bringing that look of bliss to her face, but our time together had ended too soon.

  After our friends with benefits agreement, she had answered her cellphone instead of continuing our interlude. After a whispered conversation that had made me all kinds of jealous, she hightailed out of my apartment without explanation.

  I had failed to ask if she was seeing anyone. Consequently, I couldn’t help wondering if that was her reason for resisting our obvious connection.

  She made me absolutely crazy.

  Eyes still closed, I wrapped my mind in the passion we shared earlier. I remembered the hot silken feeling of being inside her snug body. I remembered the way she responded to my every touch. She had been so open and generous with her wants. With her body. In her eyes, I thought I saw my every desire, physical and otherwise, reflected back at me.

  I almost came just remembering those few stolen moments. I didn’t even remember grabbing hold of myself, but I hissed from the contact of my hand on my pulsing flesh. My soapy hand gripped my swollen length tight and stroked hard. I jerked my hips to the movements, and my release rushed towards the surface.

  “Anna,” I groaned as I came, the sound low and drawn out, filled with longing. My cum spurted from me, mixing with the falling water and running down the drain.

  It felt like I came forever, yet it was still over too soon.

  My energy suddenly depleted, I sagged against the wall and then looked down at myself ruefully. I was still hard, my appendage pulsing like an angry snake. Despite the orgasm, I was still aroused, my fist a poor imitation of Anna’s body.

  After my evening with Anna, my heart told me what I already knew but didn’t want to admit—I still had feelings for her.

  I was an idiot to have ever let her go, and I wasn’t going make the same mistake a second time.

  My normal defenses had been down while I’d been finding satisfaction in her body. I had started imagining how things would be between us, reunited. But then I saw the regret in her eyes and knew my little fantasy was just that—a fantasy.

  I was hung up on this woman like nobody’s business and all she wanted to do was get away from me.

  Was this my penance for handling her heart so callously all those years ago?

  I already knew she thought us being together was a mistake before she even said it. Still, when she uttered the words, it had felt like a knife to my heart. And then I’d panicked and blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

  “Let’s be friend with benefits.”

  It had felt wrong to say, but having a small piece of her was better than nothing at all. So I would settle for any piece she chose to share with me.

  For now.

  I’d told her I would keep my emotions out of it, but I’d been fully aware that was a promise I wouldn’t be able to keep.

  I needed a plan to win her over.

  I got out the shower and towel-dried my body. While my mind schemed, I dressed and headed out, planning to grab a bite to eat before heading to the library to put in a few hours of studying.

  Tossing my school bag onto my back, I walked out the door and closed it behind me.

  It was a new day. The sun was out, and even after the terrible way the night ended with Anna, I felt optimistic.

  She would be mine again because I never failed a mission.

  CHAPTER 10

  Anna

  I’d read the same paragraph six times, but still couldn’t remember a single word. Sighing, I started on it for the seventh time.

  My concentration was shot and it was all his fault.

  Tucker James.


  Being with him had been mind-blowing.

  After I left his place, I hadn’t slept a wink, my mind thoroughly consumed with memories of the sensations that had transpired.

  Even now, I felt deliciously sore between the legs, a reminder of what I’d done with him.

  I looked around at the other faces in the library, sure that my salacious thoughts were visible to all even though no one was paying any attention to me. Unlike me, they were actually studying.

  Instead, I was too preoccupied with the realization that a friends with benefits arrangement would never work for me. I wasn’t built in a way that allowed me to keep emotions out of physical intimacy, especially not with the man who was my first and only love.

  I would have to break it off with him, as soon as I mustered the courage to face him again...

  Jesus, what a mess I had gotten myself into.

  I turned my attention back to the textbook in front of me and tried to focus once more. I had been at the library for almost an hour and hadn’t retained anything. I needed to shake off this Tucker funk because at this rate, I would be failing all my classes soon.

  With Garrett on a playdate at a friend’s house, I thought I would use the opportunity to study. Being at the library always put me in the right frame of mind to do so, but not today.

  I was staring down at a diagram when I felt the air in the building change. I looked up and my eyes went straight for the entrance.

  My breath caught in my throat.

  Tucker was there, looking straight at me. I felt his heated gaze clear across the room, making me squirm. I was pretty certain that anyone who looked our way could see the sexual tension between us. Embarrassed, I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him, especially when he started toward me.

  Wordlessly, he took my hand, drawing a lazy pattern on the back of it with his thumb.

  I felt that caress in my core.

  He knew what he was doing to me too; I could tell by the knowing glint in his eyes. It made me wish I knew how to hide my feelings better. His knowing stare gave him too much power over me.

  He gently tugged my fingers. “Come with me,” he said.

  From the look in his eyes, I knew exactly what would happen if I followed him; his expression couldn’t have been more explicit.

  I wanted to tell him off and walk away. To let him know his friends with benefit offer would never work.

  But I was rendered speechless.

  I had never been able to say no to him. Clearly that hadn’t changed.

  My body actively betrayed me, my nipples hardening and probably showing right through my dress. My core had turned molten and I could feel my desire literally leaking onto my underwear.

  Damn him, his fuck-me eyes, and the way they made my heart flip in my chest.

  My brain valiantly tried to erect my emotional defenses, promising this would be the last time I let myself fall under his spell.

  I would allow myself the pleasure of his body one last time.

  I would risk my heart one last time, and then I would put an end to this relationship and move on.

  Just this one last time…

  Besides, I knew he was likely to hate me once he found out the secret I’d been harboring for all these years; it was only a matter of time before he found out.

  I got up and followed him, leaving my textbook and bag behind.

  He led me to one of the private study rooms in the back of the library. It was small and could barely hold a handful of people. The inside was outfitted with a table and three chairs. The walls were distraction-free and painted plain beige.

  The perfect place to focus on studying—or for me to see Tucker’s naked body again.

  I heard the door close and the lock click. I turned back to find Tucker leaning against the wood, watching me with heavily hooded eyes.

  I swallowed hard and moved to undo the buttons of my dress. We were here to have sex, and I was going to get to it as quickly as possible so that I could lick my wounds in private later.

  I had only undone one button when Tucker came toward me, his movements cool and confident. Predatory.

  Sexy.

  When he was within kissing distance, he stilled my hands with his. “Let me do that,” he murmured.

  I had expected this romp to be quick and to the point, just like the previous last night. But instead, Tucker took his time, unbuttoning my dress like he was unwrapping delicate treasure.

  Once all the buttons were free, he pushed the straps off my shoulders. His fingers caressed my skin in the process, making me shiver with yearning.

  He was careful with my clothes, slowly draping my dress on the back of a chair even though he never took his eyes off me.

  He moved to my hair next, which I had in a high ponytail. He gently pulled the holder away, causing my hair to fall heavily around my shoulders. The strands teased my skin and goose-bumps rose along my shoulders and upper arms.

  He groaned. “You’re so beautiful, I can’t stand it. You have no idea what you do to me.”

  I grit my teeth. This was so unfair. He was acting like he cared. Like he felt something other than desire for me. Giving my poor heart hope when there really was none.

  I pulled my eyes away from his, telling myself that I couldn’t fall for it. “Hurry,” I said. “Someone could knock any second. You know they might want to actually study in here.”

  He put his finger on my lip, the simple caress feeling so sensual. “Shhh. Don’t worry so much. Just enjoy the moment. I’ll take care of you.”

  He finished undressing me with the same unhurried precision, as if we had all the time in the world. It was so different from the rushed race to the finish of last night.

  Once my clothes were off, he undressed himself and I got my first clear view of his body in almost five years. He was ripped, strength covering every line of his body. His military service was evident though; there were scars on his arms and chest, faint but deep. I delicately traced them with my fingers, trying to sooth away any lingering hurt.

  He took my fingers and kissed each one. He then took my lips briefly before nuzzling the area where my neck met my shoulder. His tongue tasted my skin and he groaned as if sampling a rare and delicious delicacy.

  The sound made me shiver. I closed my eyes. Air rushed from my parted lips when his teeth closed on that same spot, reminding me of a wild animal claiming its mate. He licked the mark before moving lower and capturing my nipple between his lips.

  He loved my chest with his mouth, his hand moving over me in the process and making me feverish.

  He moved lower still, kneeling at my feet. He positioned one of my thighs over his shoulder and I watched with wide eyes as his face moved toward my mound.

  He opened my soaked lips with his thumbs, exposing me to his gaze. He then licked me there. I had to bite my lips to contain the sounds threatening to emerge from my throat. He teased me with soft touches that made my hips jerk closer to his tongue. My fingers fisted his hair and I pulled him closer, resting my upper body against the wall and tilting my lower half toward him more.

  “More,” I whispered.

  He gave what I wanted, opening his mouth on me and kissing me there with the same intensity he did the lips on my face. He lapped my juices, probed my entrance with his tongue, and sucked on my lower lips before adding his fingers to the array.

  It became increasingly more difficult to contain my cries. I had to bite the inside of my wrist when he found the secret place inside me that took me straight to the edge.

  “Come for me,” he said.

  And I did.

  He licked me to completion twice, and then stood. He kissed me, and I moaned into his mouth, aftershocks still rocking my frame.

  Cupping my behind, he lifted me and pressed my back against the wall. My thighs immediately hugged his hips and my ankles crossed low on his back.

  As we kissed, his scent clouded my mind and the feel of his body blocked out everything else. My
fingers tangled in his hair, keeping him close. Then with a thrust, he was inside of me.

  The moment he rocked into me, I screamed from the mixture of pleasure and pain, but fortunately, we were still kissing so his mouth captured the sound.

  He paused, allowing me time to adjust to the hard intrusion while he whispered sweet nothings in my ear, telling me how beautiful I was and how good I felt.

  “Fuck me harder,” I pleaded, interrupting him.

  He started with small jabs of his hips that quickly grew harder to meet our carnal needs. He thrusted a few more time before placing me on the only horizontal surface in the room – the table.

  Tucker looked down at me with blatant hunger. His expression almost convinced me that we could have more than just a shallow physical connection. But then I had to forcibly reminded myself that I was giving him my body for the last time.

  He began to move.

  Again, the rightness of us had me reeling. When I was joined with him, I felt whole. Complete.

  The smack, smack of his body meeting mine echoed around us and the scent of sex filled the small room.

  Pleasure came over me like a great wave, sweeping me under. The intensity battered me from every angle.

  Three orgasms? This was a new record.

  We clung to each other in the aftermath, wet with sweat and our chests heaving. I wished the moment would never end, but a noise outside reminded me where we were.

  Shit. Our time together was up.

  I pushed Tucker’s shoulders and he shot me a puzzled look. I wiggled out of his hold, avoiding his gaze. Quickly, I began gathering my clothing and hurriedly pulling them back on.

  Tucker touched my arm and tried to make me face him, but I shook off his hold.

  “Hey, what's the matter?” he asked as I tied my hair back up.

  “Grab your clothes. I’m leaving and I don’t think you want the whole library seeing you naked,” I said.

  “Let’s talk about this, Anna. What’s bothering you?”

  I cut him a cruel look. “That sounds awfully emotional, Tucker. No emotions. Just fucking, remember?”

  His face shut down, becoming void of all emotion. I instantly felt terrible for my words, but knew it was better this way.