Hopeless Hero_A Bad Boy Military Romance Read online

  “He was a good uncle,” Allie said.

  “He was a little pervy though,” I reminded her.

  “But good all the same.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed sadly. “He was.”

  “I know I already said it,” Allie began, “but I’m really glad you’re here, Alicia.”

  “You’re just happy to have someone else around to incur Mom’s wrath.”

  “I’m serious,” Allie said and then took a swig of her beer. “We miss you when you’re not around.”

  “She’s right.” Jordan, Allie’s husband, pulled up a chair beside his wife.

  “Where are the kids?” I asked with a nervous glance behind me.

  “I set them up on the patio,” he said. “They’re good for a few hours.”

  I nodded and took another swig of my beer. I had forgotten how good beer from Kellan’s tasted.

  “Even Mom and Dad talk about it,” Allie continued. “Things just aren’t the same without you.”

  “Is she drunk already?” I joked, looking at Jordan.

  “Nope.” He laughed. “Just sentimental. It happens when you turn thirty.”

  Allie slapped Jordan’s arm playfully and rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “I won’t gush over how much I miss my little sister or how badly Mom and Dad want her to move back. If it bothers you guys that much, I’ll just go check on the kids.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “Allie, I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to make fun of you.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “I miss you guys, too,” I said sincerely.

  “Do you really?” Allie asked.

  “Of course. You’re my family.”

  “Then why don’t you ever come home?”

  “Al…” Jordan warned.

  “You know why,” I said softly. “It’s hard for me, being back here…”

  “But it doesn’t have to be,” Allie insisted. “The more you come back, the easier it’ll become.”

  “I don’t want it to be easy. I like my life in New York.”

  “Do you?”

  “Allie,” I said, her skepticism starting to annoy me, “don’t you remember how long I spent thinking up plans for my life? By the time I was fifteen, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.”

  “I remember,” Allie said.

  “So, aren’t you the least bit happy for me?”

  “Of course, I am. I just don’t think you’re happy.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked defensively, even though the last thing I wanted was to fight with my sister.

  “It means that you’re drowning, Alicia.”

  “Drowning?”

  “You flit from relationship to relationship, never settling down. You work crazy hours and—”

  “I have a job! So what?”

  “That job is not your entire life, or at least it shouldn’t be.”

  “And you think I don’t know that?” I snapped.

  “I think you’re scared,” Allie said bluntly.

  “Scared? Scared of what?”

  “Of living.”

  I fell silent and leaned back in my chair. As annoyed as I was, I couldn’t find it in me to argue with Allie anymore. She’d hit on a touchy subject that I didn’t want to explore. It was bad enough having to picture Zane’s face; I didn’t think I could handle having a conversation about him.

  Concerned, Jordan sat beside Allie. He’d worried about me from the time I was a little girl and he and Allie had first started dating. He was a good brother-in-law, and a good husband to my sister. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ignore my sister entirely and focus only on him.

  “Jordan,” I said pointedly, “how’s work going?”

  “Oh,” he said. He glanced at Allie, who shook her head and sighed. “It’s really good.” He launched into how wonderful business had been lately. The repair shop he owned was the only one in town, so it wasn’t like he had any competition. Still, it was his pride and joy. He loved that shop almost as much as he loved his family. It was his goal in life to pass it down to his sons when they grew up.

  I listened to the rise and fall of Jordan’s voice, not catching every word but happy to listen to him. Despite what Allie thought, I did miss being in Savage. It was nice to see her and Jordan, my cousins, and even Aunt Ira. As much as I hated to admit it, I was even happy to see my parents. There was only one thing keeping me away from Savage, and it had nothing to do with my family.

  The door clanged open behind me and I turned around instinctively. I expected to see another relative or family friend walk through the door and grab a pint, but instead my eyes fell on a familiar face.

  The exact face I had been picturing just moments before.

  Zane walked into the pub, his eyes scanning the room. He looked bigger than the last time I’d seen him. Stronger. His muscles threatened to tear apart his suit coat and his tie seemed too tight around his neck. Still, he looked handsome. More than handsome. My eyes roamed over his body and face, glad that he hadn’t seen me yet. I felt glued to my chair. I wanted to run before he saw me, but I couldn’t. My entire body felt heavy.

  “What is he doing here?” I heard a voice ask, but it took me a minute to realized it was mine.

  “I don’t know…” Allie said, but her words were lost as Zane’s eyes finally found mine. We stared at each other for a fraction of second before my body suddenly felt light and I jumped to my feet. Without a word, I ran toward the back of the pub and disappeared into the alleyway out back.

  I didn’t stop running until I was several streets away, breathing heavily. My heart raced and my forehead dripped with sweat, but I didn’t care. I sat down on a curb and put my head between my knees.

  Just breathe. You’re being ridiculous, I told myself.

  Why was Zane at Kellan’s? Why would he show up to the wake? Was it to see me, or was it to see…

  I sat up and shook my head roughly. I had to pull myself together. When Allie accused me of being scared to live, she was right. I didn’t want to admit it, but I couldn’t ignore it. Ever since Zane broke my heart, I’d been hiding, terrified of everything.

  CHAPTER 7

  Zane

  I walked up to Kellan’s and stopped just before I made it to the door. There were people covering every inch of the patio. Some walked to and from their cars, while others crowded around tables, drinking and talking animatedly. My first thought was that I should turn around and go home.

  Screw this, if I’m going to do it, I’m going to fucking do it, I’d told myself.

  My stomach felt weak, but I finally took a step forward and pulled open the door. Immediately, I began looking around for her.

  Feeling eyes tracking my every move, I knew I should have gotten a beer and found somewhere to sit, but I needed to see her face first. Just once.

  Alicia’s Uncle Jimmy was someone I’d only met in passing since I’d moved back to Savage. He’d been a loner, the kind of guy who never married or had children. He would only leave his house to see his family, and even that was an imposition for him. Still, when I found out he had passed, I’d been sad. My heart ached for the whole Joppa family, but mostly for Alicia. She hadn’t seen him in years—that much I knew—but I imagined the funeral had still been hard for her, and I wanted to be there for her.

  My eyes continued to roam the room, searching for those curls and bright blue eyes. It wasn’t until I looked to the far corner of the bar that I saw her. She was sitting at a table with her sister and her brother-in-law.

  All three of them stared right at me like they’d seen a ghost—and it wasn’t Uncle Jimmy, it was me.

  My heart skipped uncomfortably when my eyes met Alicia’s. Her mouth hung slightly open in shock.

  In those few seconds, I took in every detail of her face and let myself stare openly at her long dark curls. They cascaded down her back and I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers through them. Her cheeks flushed pink and her lips looked exactly like t
hey always did right before I kissed them. After all those years of picturing her, I never imagined she could look even more beautiful.

  When I found her eyes again, she was still staring at me with that same uncertain expression. She looked like she wanted to run screaming from the bar, but something held her in her seat. Her eyes locked on mine and she stared at me with an intensity I would recognize anywhere…

  It was two months into our relationship. Alicia and I had somehow found our way to the backseat of my car and were making out like our lives depended on it. We never needed much encouragement; as long as we were alone, our bodies were wrapped tightly around each other’s.

  As our lips pressed together and our tongues danced gently, my entire body was alive with a fire that I never wanted to put out. Alicia had a way of tempting me like no one else could. Just one look from her and I was putty in her hands.

  Alicia pulled away to catch her breath, her eyes finding mine and sparkling with desire.

  Fuck.

  I knew she wanted me, which made her even sexier.

  I tangled my fingers in her hair and pulled her lips back to mine, kissing her fiercely while she moaned against my lips. The sound made my cock pulse. My hands roamed down her body until they reached her hips. I dug my fingers into the skin between her shirt and her jeans as I lifted her up gently. She kicked her leg over me and straddled my lap, our lips still fused together.

  I pulled her shirt over her head and threw it into the front seat of the car. She shoved my chin up so she could kiss my neck. Breathing heavily, my hands searched frantically for the waistline of her jeans.

  She knew what I wanted. She always did. She was dirty like that.

  In one smooth motion, she lifted herself just slightly so that I could unbutton her jeans. Then she slid her legs out of them, never leaving my lap. I groaned and kissed her again, my tongue desperately tasting hers.

  As we kissed, I laid her down against the seat and quickly tore off my clothes.

  Her hand was on my cock immediately, stroking and teasing me slowly and mercilessly.

  “Alicia…” I moaned, my hips moving instinctively with her strokes.

  Unable to take it anymore, I threw myself on top of her and kissed every inch of her skin that I could reach. She tasted so sweet.

  Lifting her up, I tucked my hand under her back and unclasped her bra. My tongue instantly went to her nipples, kissing, licking, nibbling them until her back arched and her moans grew unbearable.

  “I want you…” I whispered in her ear as I slowly slid my hand inside her panties.

  “Zane,” she said, her voice rough and low. I almost melted into her at the sound.

  Instead, my fingers explored her wetness with slow and methodical circles that made her legs tremble. Beads of sweat poured down her breasts and I leaned down to lick them as I continued playing with her.

  “Please,” she whispered desperately. “Zane, please.”

  That was all I needed to hear. I slid her panties off and impatiently tossed them aside. I then pulled up so that she straddled me again.

  Alicia’s hands tangled in my hair as she lowered herself down on top of me. When I was finally inside of her, I growled deeply and buried my face in her neck.

  Our bodies moved together perfectly. We rocked and thrusted and held tightly to each other. Our sweat mingled and our breathing grew more and more erratic. Alicia held tightly to my shoulders as she leaned back and continued to ride me, hard. My hands dug into her hips as we moved faster and faster.

  My eyes roamed freely over her body, the bounce of her breasts, the curve of her neck, and the way her eyes were half-closed in ecstasy. I could have watched her forever. I didn’t want the moment to end, but my body had other plans; I could feel myself growing closer and closer.

  I wrapped my hand around her curls and pulled her farther backward while I lowered my lips to her breasts. She rode me harder as I licked her nipples. When my teeth closed around them, I felt her shaking uncontrollably, letting me know she was close too.

  The scream that escaped her lips when she came was earth shattering. I followed closely behind her and we both collapsed against each other. I held her sweaty body against mine as we laid down together.

  She wrapped her leg around my waist and laid her head on my chest, breathing just as hard as I was.

  My heart pounding against my ribs, I played with her hair and kissed her forehead. Once we were both breathing normally again, Alicia sat up slightly to kiss me.

  I sighed deeply. “My god, you’re amazing,” I said.

  She laughed. “Right back ya.”

  “Seriously, Alicia, one of these days, you’re going to kill me.”

  “Never,” she teased. “I’ll just make you think you died and went to heaven.”

  I laughed and she kissed me again. Our eyes met when we pulled apart and I smiled. Her blue eyes searched mine questioningly.

  “What’s that smile for?” she asked.

  “I’m happy. I’m just really, truly happy.”

  She grinned and laid her head back down on my chest. We were both naked and sweaty, and the air around us was stale and steamy. Everything was sticky, but we didn’t care. We could have lied there in each other’s arms for the rest of the night and been perfectly happy. But we couldn’t; Alicia had class in the morning and I had to train.

  Reluctantly, we got dressed and I drove her home. When we pulled up to her house, I kissed her slowly, wanting to remember everything about the way she felt.

  “Keep doing that and I’ll never get out of the car,” she joked.

  “That’s the plan,” I told her with a playful grin.

  She laughed as she pushed the car door open.

  I watched her curls bounce as she made her way across the yard and disappeared inside.

  I shook my head and tried to pull myself out of the memory. That night had been one of the best of my life. Hell, even after five years, it still stood out in my mind. There were so many things I loved about being with Alicia, but the way our bodies melded so perfectly together was by far one of the best. She had a way of captivating me completely, mind, body, and soul.

  CHAPTER 8

  Zane

  When I looked up, my eyes searched for Alicia, but she was no longer sitting at the table with Allie and Jordan.

  Frowning, I looked around, but she was nowhere in sight. Against my better judgement, I took a step forward. Allie watched me with narrowed eyes as I approached her.

  “Hi, Allie,” I said. “Jordan.”

  “Zane,” Jordan nodded. He openly glared at me and slid his arm protectively around Allie.

  “What do you want?” Allie demanded. “Why the hell are you here?”

  “I heard about your uncle and I wanted to—”

  “To what?” she snapped. “Pay your respects?”

  “Something like that.” I shrugged. Feeling my face flushing, I looked away for a split second. There was nothing that could turn me into a shell of my former self faster than being face-to-face with Alicia’s fiercely protective older sister.

  “Thank you,” Jordan said, his jaw tight. “We appreciate you coming.”

  I nodded. “Where’s Alicia?”

  Allie laughed derisively and shook her head like she couldn’t believe I would dare speak Alicia’s name in her presence.

  “She ran out when she saw you,” Jordan explained.

  “Oh.”

  “Are you surprised?” Allie demanded.

  “A little,” I answered honestly. “I don’t know what I expected to happen when we saw each other again, but I didn’t think she would run away from me.”

  “And why not?” Allie asked.

  “Well, things didn’t end that badly,” I said quietly, speaking more to myself than to her.

  “Maybe not for you,” Allie hissed. “But for Alicia, it was—”

  “Al,” Jordan said warningly, shaking his head.

  “What?” I pressed. “For Alicia, it wa
s what?”

  “Nothing,” Jordan said with a tone of finality in his voice. “For Alicia, it was nothing. She just doesn’t want to see you. Can you respect that?”

  “Of course, I can. Will you just…” I paused, not knowing what I wanted to say. A hundred different ideas ran through my mind as I stared blankly at Jordan. He waited patiently, his eyes never leaving mine. I could tell he wanted me to leave, but he was too polite to say so.

  With a sigh I started again. “Will you just tell Alicia I’m sorry? For her loss, I mean.”

  “We will,” Jordan said and glanced toward the door, his intention perfectly clear.

  “Thanks,” I said lamely. I turned to walk away, but Allie’s voice stopped me.

  “Zane,” she said, “I know it may not have seemed like anything to you, but what you and Alicia had meant everything to her. You broke her heart.”

  I felt weak as Allie’s words washed over me.

  What did she mean by that? Didn’t she know that it meant just as much to me?

  Didn’t Alicia know that?

  Wordlessly, I left the pub and hurried across the parking lot to my car. I climbed in and took a steadying deep breath.

  Dammit. That was not how I pictured my reunion with Alicia.

  If I was being honest, I had imagined we would pick things up exactly where we left off five years ago. When we broke up, it wasn’t because I wanted to leave her, but because I had to. The Savage Soldiers had relocated me, and I had no choice but to follow orders if I wanted to be taken seriously, not to mention prove my dedication and loyalty. Alicia of all people should have understood that. The night I’d told her had been a hard one, but I thought she knew what she meant to me.

  Allie’s words made everything suddenly seem less clear though.

  In my mind, Alicia and I parted equally broken-hearted. We’d both been wrecked and miserable, but we were both setting out to fulfill our dreams. I always thought once those dreams came true, we would…

  I shook my head and opened my eyes. There was no use fantasizing about a future that was never going to happen. If what Allie said was true, then I couldn’t blame Alicia for running out of the pub.